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"NEVER attempt to destroy someones life with a lie/s, when yours can be destroyed with the TRUTH!"

Firstly, let's make a few things clear, so there can be no misunderstandings, misconceptions or false perceptions, and nobody has to wonder about anything. I don't think there's anything more difficult than caring about somebody and loving them, and then having to go, what could very easily be seen seen as going up against them...Yet it's actually the complete opposite...and definately not the case.

Do I love her?
Yes, I do love her. And truth be told, I probably would for a long time still...I miss her.
As much as I would prefer to say that I do not, under the current circumstances, I cannot, as I would be lieing. I'm human, and there is no switch that one can flick to switch off or make the horrible hurt go away. My curse in life...

When I love somebody, I go all in, and my loyalty will be with that person...and no-one else, no matter what. I cannot and will not ever hurt someone like that, because I know all too well what it feels like, and the destruction and hurt it causes on so many levels.

Do I care about her?
Yes, I do care about her, I think I care about her more than anyone actually realises. When you love someone, you see their faults and flaws, you accept them... And when you do that, caring about them doesn't just go away. You don't just stop loving somebody because they hurt you. You can't just switch off like a machine because you've got feelings. And it hurts like crazy, day and night...You think about them all the time, first thing when you open your eyes in the morning, and last thing before you fall asleep at night...You can't describe that pain to anybody. Yet you always have a few people who have alot to say, when they have never been in the situation or experienced it.

One of the mob leaders once said: "There is no pain as great as being betrayed by the woman you love."  And I think out of experience I can honestly say that I believe that to be very true...

Why am I doing this?

The reason for me doing this. is very simple and straightforward. Please bear in mind that. this is very much deja vu for me, and certain aspects of this whole unnecccessary bullshit drama, saga or whatever you want to call it,  I went through before in the worst possible way...literally. At the time, my children were babies. and I think I nearly died. I think it was the worst, worst, worst worst possible thing. that could ever happen to anybody... Read more about it in the "About Me" section.

I made 3 vows in my Life!.
The First - On my knees in the toilet at the Wilgers Hospital in Pretoria minutes before my eldest daughter was born. I made certain promises in a vow to and in front of God.
The Second - . Second time was minutes before my youngest daughter was born. Same place, same bathroom same vows.
- By God's Greace I have been able to stick to those two.

The Third one -
Was when my ex-wife ran a distortion campaign / smear campaign / character asssination / gossip, call it  whatever you want...behind my back.

At the time she was having affairs, sleeping around with anything and anyone from the car mechanic to work colleages until she got mixed up and in trouble with some druggie, or "DrugKingpin" as she put it. My girls were still babies. The first affair was when my eldest was hardly a 1 year old...

And I had to learn very quickly how it works, what it was about.... And I made a vow on my knees in the little stone church at mozique that I would never ever ever allow this to happen to anybody else without standing up in this situation.

It has happened to me or it is happening to me But it has also happened to somebody else. Somebody else. Somebody who might today very much respect somebody. who might today have. a loyalty to that will always be there for the rest of my life. So somebody who can really phone me. 24/7 day or night. and I will be there to help them in any which way I can. I made those vows because the worst thing for me out of the the hardest times in my life I had to go through what? was the smear campaigning. I think it is the most evil horrible thing any human being can do to another. So that is the reason for this. That is the number one reason it is the trigger. It is what has happened. It is how it happened and that my suspicions were right all along.

The Triggers:

For the sake of trying to put all of this chaos in something or into something that is readable and understandable, I'm just going to focus on the triggers right now. More details and different factors will be mentioned in all. to paint a perfect picture of what really happened and how it happened for this. section. However, it's just the triggers and my reason for doing this.

The first trigger was on my 50th birthday, so it's not something I'm going to forget very easily. I'll even give you a bit of supply and pleasure, and I'll say that it was absolutely the worst birthday of my life. So yes, I remember it luck yesterday. It was also the under 15 teams North Pole Hockey Championships and. yeah, obviously we we were there supporting the hockey team. This was 25 July 2024 the Thursday evening, when myself and my eldest daughter arrived there.

When they saw at one stage, obviously away from everybody else on the corner, they looked at me and said, are you not going to greet me or speak to me today? At this point, I was extremely, extremely upset with her, but we'll get to that later. I specifically remember and very clearly how I greeted Vanessa ex husband and her eldest daughter. It was a very friendly and polite with absolutely no issue in the world...as it has always been.

I then have to take a phone call and I. moved away and I stood in the car park and. I was busy on the phone call that I had to take and attend to. and Jeff walked past me. Jeff and Carmen is a couple that I. have known for a long time and they also too of six people are trusted with my children as my youngest daughter and their daughter were. best of friends. And the first trigger was when I greeted Jeff when he walked past me and waved at him. He gave me. He gave me a very, very dirty, hostile. Yeah, I don't even have to describe it. I can just know that it was definitely not a good dirty look. And he was making sure that I understand that it's a very disapproving look. I agree to them. Yes, I did... Understand that these are two people that have always respected. I did not know them very well. Um. but my daughter and their daughter being best of friends for long time, since primary school and yeah, they would, they would be together often, Jonah would sleep over there and yeah, she was like a child in their house. And again, because this is very important and I don't think I can. I can put it in any other words but these are these are 2 out of 6 people that are trusted with my children when we went through the worst part of our life.

At that moment in an instant, I knew. exactly what was going on and what Vanessa is doing. Although on so many occasions, she said she's not doing that. She would never do that. She never spoke to anybody. And the only thing she ever told anybody was that things just didn't work out. But now, knowing that Vanessa is a pathological liar things have changed considerably.

So in short, the first trigger was on my birthday 25 July 2024 when And it was at that moment that I realised what Vanessa was doing. And I must be honest, it was also to be expected from somebody like that. It was all deja vu for me.

The second incident will trigger if you want to call it that. That happened. was in the beginning of August 2024 after Vanessa came to my house and she was sitting on top of me and telling me she's never loved anybody as much. She loves me and. and then and the whole story. The whole six things that I want to get into all the details about y'all. She came to my house and we kind of not come if we open the hearts up to each other and we were saying. and are specifically remember her once again telling me that she's never loved anybody as much as she loves me. It was either that afternoon. or the next day. I'm not sure right now, but either that afternoon or the next day that we went to the garage on the corner to get some coffee from the Seattle coffee shop. Vanessa and I remember still getting two of those little burgers that were on special. as we stood outside talking and eating and drinking coffee. A car pulled in a car which looked just like Jeff and Commons of our car. when that car pulled in and stopped there. Vanessa went pale white and. she said oh **** I looked at her and I said what is wrong with you? What is going on your Vanessa? She quickly tried to change the subject and and and diversion like she always does And I then looked at her and I said Vanessa what have you actually said to people or you running your little distortion campaign which I wonder about on many occasions. Anyway, her reaction to that White Eval pulling in there and going pale white said, a lot, and I knew exactly what it's basically confirmed what I was thinking. And I knew, I knew what was happening. I specifically also remember how upset she got when she tried to make me out to be crazy like what I saw was different to what it was when I pulled the video footage of exactly what happened and what she was looking at and what she said And that kind of upset her. I know that upset her, but I know what I saw and I had to be sure. So that was the second trigger when I knew that Vanessa is at a pathological lying again. And I kind of knew that things are not what they seem.

The third incident happened at the school's hockey gearing function where I was threatened, insulted, my children were insulted, challenged, etcetera, by one of the groomed flying monkeys. Believe it none other than Jeff. What was surprising was the fact that days before that, I remember. ed I remember driving down the street and his partner Carmen and the little one walked out of McDonald's. I think they went to McDonald's to get some ice cream or something. They walked out and we friendly waved to each other without any issues whatsoever However, when this happened, how. ever when this happened? it seemed. it would seem the complete opposite as if there was something that maybe Jeff and maybe Carmen did not discuss and I was. I was fakened by by surprise by that. anyway, I was threatened. There was comments made to my daughter who sat next to me. She got attacked by those two. Well, you could call them witches if you want to. In the ugly as possible way. Just remember a child against 2 grown-ups saying she's sitting there like a lady and and and we treated her to her. I'm not going to get into the details. My child said they're shaking. But the main reason she was saking was because I was sitting there and I saw this. I heard this and I did. not did not react for a second And there's a simple reason for that. I did not react because I knew exactly what was happening. I knew exactly what Vanessa was busy doing. And there's all section on the will call it the best as best little friend section. And when you read that and you actually understand what Vanessa said and what she did and how she did it, then a whole lot would also make sense. So in short, the reason is straightforward. The three triggers, Jeff Suku at the hockey on the 25th of July looking at me the way that he did when I greeted him The second time was when Vanessa Swell, when Vanessa saw their carpooling at the garage. when myself and her was standing there having coffee and something to eat her reaction and the fright that you got when she saw them and I realised she was leading a double life again. What they think and know and what the reality is is two different things and the 3rd thing was when I literally got threatened by somebody who I had respected and somebody who has been one of well 2 of 6 people that are ever trusted with my children when they were babies which is a compliment to anybody I think however I was a little bit shocked. I'm also going to mention that the next day I actually well that same day I had one parent say something to me the next day I had 2 1 phone me and the other one I saw face to face that could not believe our karma was and there are just set they and I took that. anyway this this this is probably going to be a longer section because of what happened there how it happened and the fact that I walked past we walk past in the very next day when they were not at a table full of women and children and I once again said hello guys all I ever did was greet them. suddenly nobody wanted to break my nose. Nobody followed me outside. Nobody wanted to beat me up but on school grounds at a table full of children and woman I had to sit there and endure that. I actually phoned him the next day. but I will do that more and more of that later 

Not the doormat anymore, sorry

Idealise and Mirroring

I walked away, anjd I observed.......And u lost cdontrol

Cannot face your own shame can you?

 Physical Assault:

Insecurities:
One of the first things that was a utred flag. And where I was extremely worried was the insecurities and how insecure Venezuelans. It was completely off the map. It was off of the charts at it was actually ridiculous at one stage The more we fell in love the more or the worse have got her insecurities were you at it's hard to explain it to somebody but it was completely off the charts to the extreme and beyond. She was probably the most insecure person that myself and most people that would be reading this have ever met. It was completely off the charts and there's only one way for me to get try and get people to understand this and how how bad it was and that is right to you by using examples, which unfortunately I'm going to have to do.

The very first time it propped up out of the blue, we were standing. We were talking and joking around or something, and the next thing Vanessa face turned 100 per cent completely serious. And she said the following. "Paul, if you ever had to leave me, or if you had to leave me now...", And that was a bit concerning the way in which she said that was, it was like an all else or a or like there was a chance that I was going to leave her. And that was 110% untrue and not even a It wasn't even a thought in my head.

The second time we we we were standing out, we were standing outside the house, having a cigarette and she. said II mentioned something about what I was going to do at the end of the year. Some big changes in my life and some money coming out and the next thing she turned around okay. So and when you get that you're going to leave me. and I just looked at it and I realised there is something very, very wrong because the insecurity is completely off the map.

Jealousy:

 I think the jealousy and the insecurity goes hand in hand. You are the jealousy was was completely crazy. First time or the first noticeable thing was I was not allowed to speak to my children's hairdresser. My children's hairdresser, which they've always used since. I don't know. Great. Two or three or whatever the case may be If Vanessa just hated this woman and she never even knew her but got so bad that at one stage I actually what? happened. Yeah, III could not take my children to have their haircut and Vanessa couldn't take them to have their haircut that she actually I wasn't allowed to take my children because of Vanessa's jealousy and I actually had to let her grandmother take them in order to satisfy her. I even went as far as when. when Jackie's son got to reach for a dream gave him a computer for a gaming computer and I had to help him sort it out where I invited them to Vanessa's house so I could do it there while she was talking to Jackie. I was helping Gordon sort his computer out. The believe it or not, that just made made it worse.

We were at the restaurant one night and I was standing there speaking to somebody who we both knew And Vanessa would literally slide in between the two of us, having a face to face conversation, and literally slide in between the two of us, in front of me, catching the woman off completely because I was just and that night I knew something was very, very wrong. However, I felt sorry for and and as you know, in your heart, you, you, you realise how much that person loves you, or how much they care about you. So I wasn't going to make it ugly or think anything like that and never, ever, once, never, ever once I must also say that I ever get upset. or ugly. or have an argument when Vanessa becomes insecure or jealous rather because I think it's just that it's something you that happens to people when you really care about someone. I did, however, try and assure her and give her some security. But yeah, that doesn't matter what you do. It would have never worked with what we know now.

Never Closing any doors/options:

Monkey-Branching:

Pathological Liar:

What nobody knew 1:

 Here's something that nobody knew however. the Nissan knew it. I've been. knew it. and I knew it. From day one I made it very, very clear to Vanessa that if ever there was a chance, even if it was a 0.00001% chance of her. putting Claudian Liza's family back together again and going back to her ex husband. I would support it. I wouldn't only support it. I would be happy for them, and I would. be loyal to them forever. Nobody knew this. but they knew it. It's very ironic that at one stage, I think. the goals I had or what I was thinking was happening. And this was a major thing. Um, what I was under the impression was happening was exactly that. And if I'm not missing anything, I think so was common in Jeff. However, to everybody's surprise, things worked out different. I can imagine that there might not be a surprise, but

What nobody knew 2:

The People:

Culus/Elanie , Jeff/Carmen, Ivan, Erica, Theresa, Hockey Parents,

Warnings from day 1

Galighting..and then with proof forgot

Sex, Supply, Safety Services

J.A.D.E.

Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain.

DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim & offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, such as sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers.